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Mister Doctor Gordon Freeman

by Space Bards

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Working in a top secret government lab isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… join the Bards in one of the most legendary and iconic games of all time, Half Life 1!

lyrics

Lemme tell y’all bout the worst day of work I ever had
I hopped in the train headed to the test lab
Got myself a coffee but they gave me decaf
Shoulda known then shit was gonna be bad
But I pull up to the chamber
Ain’t nobody warn me bout the danger
Pushed a crystal in this thing and it starts shooting lasers
Then a portal opens oh my god yo this is major
Cuz this some shit I wasn’t fuckin trained for
Hey there’s Gus from accounting getting eaten by a head crab
Phil from HRs got some claws and a chest gap
Used to have a thing with Jen, now I’m getting red flags
She just tried to eat me so I guess I have to end that
But no prob ima go hard with a crowbar
This ain’t no Mario kart
Good thing I’m so smart
I can fire alien weapons like a pro y’all
Not to be cold hearted
But I could make a flow chart on why we should get the fuck outta here
So far this job stinks like a shot stain dammit
I shoulda taken a sick day dammit

Black Mesa to Mr Gordon Freeman, Doctor Gordon Freeman
Don’t take off we need you for this evening, also on the weekend
Black Mesa to Mr Gordon Freeman, Doctor Gordon Freeman
Please pick up the line
We hope you don’t mind
But we can’t pay overtime

Goddamn, what a day
More aliens? Fuckin great
Tryna figure out how to shut the gate
But first ima have to bust a crate
Found some ammo tucked away
Hazmat suit with a mustard stain
Not that it’ll do much with eight
Million head crabs all tryna fuck my face
But one thing I’ll do is not run
That was never my option
Grabbing that combat shotgun
Look at me go I got one
New life forms I popped them
Pick up the health he dropped some
I never seen a giant snake with a beak
before it’s not fun
So fuck black mesa
No jobs worth this aggravation
So many minor lacerations
When did I take my last vacation
Got my resume right here
How much y’all vortigons pay
Do you offer shit like benefits and a 401k?

Black Mesa to Mr Gordon Freeman, Doctor Gordon Freeman
Don’t take off we need you for this evening, also on the weekend
Black Mesa to Mr Gordon Freeman, Doctor Gordon Freeman
Please pick up the line
We hope you don’t mind
But we can’t pay overtime

Mr Gordon Freeman
Mr Dr Gordon Freeman
You are late for your meeting
With marines and a G-man

credits

released September 1, 2022

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Space Bards New York, New York

Space Bards consists of lifelong troublemakers, Dom John and Dan Span.

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